Whole30/September Reflections Day 13 & 14

Hello and happy Monday!

This weekend was a good one! My day off on Friday looked like some light house cleaning, playing with Ana and a grocery store run. We went and found some hard to find ingredients at a local health food store. We then went to Market Street and got our usual groceries. πŸ™‚ I was really impressed with my finds at Market Street this time. We found some really good “emergency food” options, Nutpods for coffee and some other items. I will be the one to say, I don’t like Chomps. They are like meat sticks (kind of like a slim jim) Eew. TOO spicy. Not a fan. Sad by this, but I like Nick Sticks. That is another brand of compliant snacks and I love those. They are not spicy. πŸ™‚ I’m a weenie I guess.

Anyway, we had a great Saturday and Ava and I got SO MANY CHORES done. Bathrooms, bedrooms, kitchen, Nick took Ana to the dr and got her some meds and did laundry and mowed the back. Overall we are still hanging in there with the Whole30. We even ate out Sunday and minus a piece of cheese they didn’t take off, we were good. πŸ™‚ Not too worried about it. haha We are on week 3 and feeling well! I think the season change in giving me headaches, not necessarily the whole30. I still feel like I will be able to grab up some more energy soon.

My biggest concern and goal moving forward is how we reintroduce things and what we reintroduce. I am still very much in a fragile food state, where I need to watch everything I eat, closely. I don’t want to fall into bad habits again, just because we completed a whole30. So, I am going to really plan what I will allow myself to have and what I will not allow myself to have. I believe I can find a great balance that will still help me lose weight and find healthy habits without diving head first back into big problem foods.

As September continues on, I have had more people give me items for our collection. We are honoring Noah’s 6th birthday with collecting items for Mended Little Hearts of Ft Worth. We are collecting toiletries, small journals, pens, fleece blankets from Walmart(the $2.50 ones), gum, hard candies, non-perishable easy snacks, small packs of kleenex, etc. Ava and I will be bringing these down, possibly all 4 of us, to honor and remember our boy.

September Whole30 made sense, because since Noah died I have always felt this push and need to make him proud, the things he struggled through and fought make me realize I can do hard things too. So we do this and we find that hard things are good things and even though it isn’t easy it has been worth it. I find that true of my entire experience as a heart mom. The 5 months I got were such “trench” months. They were hard, ugly and down right draining, but they were full of long days in my Bible, lots of prayers, journals, meeting new people, becoming family with many of our medical team, and enjoying a little baby boy who didn’t know life outside of those Cook Children’s walls. So September means so much because it is always a time of reflection and I get to remember that I’ve done harder things than attend to my health or pass up a dr pepper. I have endured and I have seen hard times. Dark days, long nights, deep pain. I can continue to do what I’m called to, what God is calling me to, because he always has had a plan and he continues to make the way.

So here’s to week 3! πŸ™‚


Whole30/September Reflections Day 11 & 12

Hello! Yesterday was busy and we got home late from practice, so I skipped my journal last night. Today has been wonderful! We got up and got Ava to school/Nick to work. Ana and I lounged around and watched shows together and got our morning snuggle in. I cooked me a yummy breakfast. Left over steak pieces, potatoes and eggs cooked in avocado oil and ghee. I had some orange juice as well. I had a lovely time talking to my best friend on the phone for almost an hour.(thank you Ana, Haddon and Brooklyn for being so accommodating) πŸ™‚ It was so good to catch up and visit. We got ready and went to Eat-Rite here in town and found some tapioca flour to use for a recipe! I found some yummy almond butter there too. Found out I can’t eat it until after whole-30 because it has sugar in it.. but alas. I’m going to see if the girls like it instead of peanut butter…who knows. πŸ™‚ haha! We went to Market Street next to get groceries and I had a great experience. It has been a long while since I enjoyed a trip to United. I loved it for so long because it helped shape me as a person, working for them for a total of almost 10 years. Today I just really was so happy.

-bought a fall mum on sale πŸ™‚
-they have Nutpods!
-found a different almond/coconut milk creamer
-they have compliant bacon, Chomps jerky sticks, and some R Bars and RX Bars…
-our whole30 emergency food stash is on point right now.
-also found some new bubbly water and realized the spiralized veggies and cauli rice is in the frozen section and that works well for us this week.
-earned 5 rewards and got .50 off per gallon of gas today. πŸ™‚ Filled up my 4Runner for $38 bucks. woop!

So, I have not felt such control over my food related choices, probably ever in my life. I think even last time we did this, I wasn’t this focused or doing so well. I’m very thankful.

This grocery run today, was super easy and I found some awesome helpful products to keep us going the next week and a half or so. Keeping things simple is the best way to do this. I’ve given myself release to just keep things simple and maybe do a new recipe once a week. It is so so helpful. πŸ™‚

This weekend looks to be fairly easy going and not too busy! Looking forward to spending time at home, doing some yard work, playing with the kids, church and rest. πŸ™‚

Y’all have a great Friday!!

Whole30/September Reflections Day 10

Well, folks…we’ve made it to double digits!! Can I just say how very thankful I am that I was just honest yesterday and through that I got the sweetest encouragement from two dear friends. They commented on this post with encouragement and prayers! Prayers! I needed that and it just boosted my spirits so much. So thank you Sandra and Dianne! You both bless me so much, weekly, but your support means so much.

If I can just speak into that idea of encouragement? It means so much. It is one of the biggest blessings to receive; someone giving you a boost. Do it. Encourage your spouse, your kids, your kid’s teachers, your school’s admin, your pastors, your life group leaders, your friends, family, parents, siblings, friends…. be the encourage-r. Sometimes we tend to drain our closest friends and family with our needs and struggles. Sometimes a thank you or an atta girl or atta boy just means the world. Do it! πŸ™‚

So today has been good! I am still not wanting breakfast, so I just drink water. I pack a protein rich lunch and it tends to work for me. So I brought tuna salad, lettuce wrap and a boiled egg. I also had some plantain chips. Tonight I had time to make a new recipe. Mexican Cauliflower Fried Rice. I’m usually not a fan of cauli rice. πŸ˜› But, this recipe made sense and it tasted great! It was nice to detour away from grilled meat and simple veggie. Even though that is yummy and easy. πŸ™‚

Yesterday, I also just had some tough mom moments, personal moments and even though it doesn’t happen often, some grief. I was able to go to the dentist today and get my bite adjusted and that has been SUCH a blessing. I already feel better and have less pain. I am SO thankful for a considerate dentist and his staff who want relief for me as much as I do. So thankful and that has helped with my headache/pain. I also slept all night last night and woke up less groggy. I think I’ve flipped the switch. πŸ™‚ yay!

There are some events coming up that I need to mentally prepare for. We have some birthday parties coming up, as well as some other social events. I am just trying to get a plan in place and make the right choices ahead of time in my brain so I can be prepared. I think that is the key for me for the whole ordeal. If I am prepared and have a plan, I tend to do the best. When I have “emergency” food on me, I won’t swing through pak a sak. When I have my water cup full and with me all the time, I am less likely to drive through some where. I am finding things that work for me. When I have a protein rich lunch, I am not as snacky during pick up line. All this to say…it takes time and effort, but I know that the most important things always do.

I slept with his blankee last night and the night before. When I am really missing my boy I just sleep with his blanket. It helps me go to sleep and I can have a good cry in it if I want/need to. Something comforting about the blanket just soothes me and so I keep it handy. I have some thoughts, old and new about Noah and I’m sure I’ll figure them out by the time his birthday rolls around.

So I am always just so humbled by people when we extend an invitation to join us in donating to Cook’s. I just always realize that people DON’T HAVE TO DO IT. But, they CHOOSE to join in and celebrate and honor our son because they are gracious people and I just can’t get over the fact that they are so generous and thoughtful. So thank you to everyone who is donating. I am going to put together a paypal or something for those who are out of town and would like to donate. What a blessing our community is. I am just truly so humbled and excited to bring these items to the Cardiac ICU. πŸ™‚ Thank you

I found a heart in my dinner!

Day 10 has been pretty good, overall. I am ready for sleep. πŸ™‚ I hope and pray you all have an amazing day tomorrow! God is faithful and is helping us do hard things. πŸ™‚


Whole30/September Reflections Day 9

My head hurts. My eyeballs hurt. I’m sleepy, groggy and just overall tired. I am not really hungry and the things I want I can’t have so I am just trying to push through. Overall, I feel like this could be one of the hardest days. I could use a Dr.Pepper or a White Mocha… I just want my headache to go away and stay away. My energy is tanked. I am hoping that this is when my system switches over to fat burning energy not sugar burning energy. Lord, please let this be a quick thing, because, nobody has time to be struggling this much. haha.

goodbye for today. πŸ˜›

Whole30/September Reflections Day 8

I realized today that the food part of this journey so far isn’t so hard. I also realized that my mental game is what is being broken this time. There isn’t much to say today other than, I haven’t given in, I haven’t quit and I am actually seeing changes that I know are good for me. Today I had breakfast sausage and a boiled egg for breakfast, leftover steak and salad and for dinner a smoked sausage link and a baked potato. Drank water all day. Still wantingΒ  a huge latte. Still having some trouble with headaches. I haven’t hit the big energy boost yet. We’re still only in the beginning though. I do believe my sleeping is better.

September is full of so many emotions for me. Staying in check is important and yet feeling everything I need to feel about my son and his birthday and the fact that he isn’t here, is important too. So, I take it a day at a time. Sometimes a memory at a time.

That’s it today folks. Got my post in, for accountability. Ready for bed. Love to you all!


Whole30/September Reflections Day 7

Day 7! A whole week! When we did this last year, I was new to it all and didn’t know of all of the headaches, cravings and struggles that come with it. None the less, we pushed through and were so proud. This go round I know what to expect, but I also know how I feel when I’ve done the hard work. The non-scale victories are so important to me, because those are lasting, habit changing, discipline making victories that are worth the struggle.

A quick food log. We had grilled chicken and bacon lettuce wraps with pan fried potatoes. Today we had steak, baked potatoes and salads, then at the church picnic we did “naked” burgers and trimmings and I brought plantain chips and oranges. We drank water and had a nice time. We didn’t have to have the sodas to enjoy it. *winning*

This is where Whole30 meets September reflections. Discipline. That has been my “word” for 2018 and I didn’t really know what it meant for me. I still wonder if I truly know what it’s been for me this year, or if I’ve let it go too often. I look back at our time in the apartment and realize that I was invested in some new good habits there, I’ve learned ways to figure out how to handle (better anyway, not perfected) anxious moments, anger outbursts, assumptions, and reactions. I still struggle in many ways with these things still, but over the year I am finding that I have processes and ways of helping walk through struggles. This has been a lesson in discipline for me.

This journey of Whole30 is always one that really begins to show me where I do not rely on the Father. For so many things, I end up relying on myself, a Dr.Pepper, a Sonic run, a comfort food meal out… so many of these things are straight up idolatry. I have found comfort and solace in something that will always return void. It satisfies for the moment, but never for long. Then I come back to it again and again. So, God has been using this program to remind me of just how dependent I’ve been on myself, the world and all it’s temporary fixes. It’s hard to admit, but I think that it is an incredibly powerful place to be. When you have stripped all of the usual fixes and become aware of the habits you didn’t know existed, God has so much room to grow in us, new habits.

what thing is holding you back? Mine has been poor eating habits and quick emotional fixes by grabbing a soda or a quick and easy meal… without thinking ahead or making preparations I just go through the motions. The discipline I’m forced into with whole30 reminds me of how much I thrive with boundaries. It’s NOT easy, but it’s worth it.

This day, 6 years ago, Nick flew back to Amarillo, while Ava and I stayed in Ft. Worth. We were alone for 2 weeks and those 2 weeks forced me to trust the Lord in more ways than I could even know then. So, hard things are ok. We do hard things because they make us better, they draw us nearer to the Father and they create character in us.

Have an incredible week, folks. Do the hard things! Set the proper boundaries for yourself and see how you grow. Ironic, perhaps. Worth it, absolutely!


Whole30/September Reflections Day 6

Well, I have almost made it through a Saturday at home without some sort of sugary/soda/snacky issue. It’s been a wonderful day at home, with nothing to do, but whatever we want. I’ve had football on since 12:30pm and the girls have been so good today, as we’ve been relaxed and fully rested. I’m thankful for this day of sabbath we’ve had. Nick was gone all day for a ministry meeting and then a rehearsal for GodZon at church. The only thing that could have made our first Saturday off would be if he had been home. πŸ™‚

I cooked up some sausage, eggs and mini pancakes for the girls. I had some hash brown potatoes with mine. We didn’t get hungry until after 1:00, so we all had a light lunch. I had a baked potato with leftover pulled pork, and veggies on top. Tonight, (I’m still waiting for Nick to get home from what is now a 3 hour run through, thank all the people that serve in your children’s ministry, parents…they put in a lot of time) I’m making chicken and bacon lettuce wraps. Maybe we’ll eat before 10:00 lol

Tomorrow we have our Sunday services and then my parents are coming over for lunch before we all go to the church picnic. We’re having steak, baked potatoes and salad for lunch, all compliant! Then we’ll be careful and do a bunless burger or hotdog at the picnic and I’ll bring us some fruit and plantain chips. πŸ™‚ planning ahead is the way to go around here and I’m getting better at it!

Today was a reminder that rest is good. Space for our minds and hearts to breathe is so necessary. We cannot be creative or energized in anything we do if we are not rested or given the space and time to breathe, relax, and allow ourselves to just be. Life is beginning all over again for me in many ways. My mothering feels refreshed as I’ve had so much margin today to just be a mom and relax with my girls. My home is ordered, yet we made messes and had fun today because we had the time and space to do so. My heart and ready and excited for services tomorrow and leading our people in worship. I’m excited for all God is doing through this huge schedule/life change. It is so important and such a huge blessing for my family and I. I’m so thankful!

So, tomorrow is day 7. My non-scale victories are that I am not anxious about wanting a soda or something sweet at certain times of the day. Water is satisfying again. My skin is looking more clear, my patience seems even a tiny bit more accessible. I am still catching up on sleep and I still get a headache daily, sometimes I think it is a sore tooth of mine that has had a lot of work done, but none the less, I feel as though my body is truly detoxing from all of the sugar and carbs, dairy, etc.

For now, I’m celebrating another day of making the right choice and enjoying how amazing this day of Sabbath rest has been. I’m so so thankful!

How was your Saturday??