Grief and Gratefulness

Hello friends.

Quarantine day 50something? We’re still here, doing school@home, work@home, everything@home. I posted earlier today on social media about the tension I continually feel like I’m in. There is this place of grief and gratefulness that I have not left for weeks now. One moment I am grieving the losses. We’ve gone without school/schedule for weeks, we are missing out on the end of the year activities, Ava had 1 field trip this year. The symphony got cancelled for snow and then school ended and all other trips and activities have obviously gone away. Recital, postponed for July, but other plans were in place so we couldn’t commit. Now camp is cancelled and its too late to do the recital. We’re hoping that our summer trip to see friends doesn’t have to be cancelled either. Lots of loss and missing out. The next moment, I am grateful. Margin, slow, time, ability to help Ava with things, play with Ana, read more, cook more, be present and not feeling like the hamster wheel has me constantly losing my breath.

I want to be grateful and thankful for the things that are so good. We have provision of jobs, we are not without. We have great teachers who have made these weeks full of learning and activities without overwhelming us. We have amazing friends and family who are checking in and I am thankful for the time I just don’t seem to get with these girls of mine. I also want to be sad that we didn’t get field trips, end of year party, awards time, the anticipation that builds for the first summer night where they get to stay up later, the last day of school snow cone trip. I’m sure I can adjust and make some of that happen, but its the whole experience of finishing the year, accomplishing another whole grade. Time is fleeting and now we’ve completely lost 2. 5 months of 3rd grade, for Ava. It’s just a lot to take in. We LOVE our teacher this year and we didn’t get to soak her up as much as we wanted.

It’s ok to be sad about the losses.

Ava won’t get to do summer camp, her last year of ballet won’t end with a beautiful performance or pictures. We are looking at some ways to redeem the losses, but we also just have to trust that the purposes of this time are worth the loss. I’ve seen that it my life many times before and here we are again. I think that it is important that our kids see this as a time that has much purpose, from God, even if it is hard. Hard seasons produce fruit way more than easy seasons. There are things that our kids and ourselves will learn because we are living during this time. We must not pacify or sugar coat it, but we have to find ways to survive it.

So we talk about what is good, what we’re thankful for and the things we look forward to. We let the long days remind of us what we long to do, people we long to be with and memories we want to make down the road. I’m trying to take pictures, even though we aren’t doing anything super exciting or big over here. I want to remember the things we decided to do during these days. Projects, meals, baking, artwork, patio sitting and outside activities.

I was reminded earlier today about an activity that I’ve done multiple times myself and have advised others to do in times of frustration and struggle. Sometimes we need to remember who we are. So, on occasion I will sit down and write out 20-25 things about myself, things I like, products I love, favorite food, drinks, colors, activities etc. It is just a way that I get to know myself again, focus in on what is true about me, not what I try do or like to impress others, and it grounds me in truth, not envy or jealousy of others.

So, here we are. I am going to make a list of things that I enjoy about this time so that I can remember what’s true and that this time has purpose!

1. slow mornings
2. coffee routine (morning time, collagen, creamer, all my fun mugs and sometimes whip cream or 1/2 and 1/2 froth)
3. reading more. (I have finished 4 books that I had started before pandemic and started a couple more)
4. time with my girls
5. all the movie watching (Nick and I are almost finished watching the Marvel series, again)
6.baking
7.cooking different things
8.our back patio- (covered, twinkle lights, pretty plants)
9. sonic
10. Friday night take-out
11. less laundry – FOR REAL
12. all the time to organize/clean out and actually doing it
13. dreaming up the next thing to do to update the house
14. spotify, podcasts; (I’ll post another time all the the stuff I’m listening to)
15. new study books from If:Gathering
16. eyelashes are growing/thickening because of less mascara wearing haha
17. more consistent skincare regimen
18. my gel nail kit – haven’t missed nail salons except for pedicures 🙂
19. our cul-de-sac/street and the neighbors we have
20. online ordering: whether groceries or amazon, etc: getting mail is the best

So, here are some fun things that I could think of that I am enjoying and/or thankful for during this season! I challenge you to write a list out for yourself and let me know! 🙂 7dd8e805-050f-4f3d-8c21-0a3e702f7eef

Grieving the losses is necessary and OK to do! We must do it. The things we are sad about are real and they are so important to us. Whether it is a graduation, a cancelled activity, camp or vacation. Perhaps it is just missing out on the end of the school year, a changed birthday plan or not seeing a loved one for weeks; it is all weighty. Grieve it and be sad when you need to be. This is also a time that is full of things to be thankful for and happy about, you just have to look!

Have a good week, folks!

Shaina

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