When Mother’s Day Hurts…

Mother’s Day isn’t always the easiest for many.

For whatever reason, it brings with it, pain and struggle. Perhaps it brings up ugly memories, experiences, longings, frustrations and questions.

Mother’s Day isn’t always the happiest for many.

Mothers die. Children die.

Some Mother’s hurt, disappoint, injure, neglect.

Some women long to be a mother and with every passing month their hope dims.

There are women who have experienced SO MUCH LOSS and will never “burden” others with it or talk about it with others.

There are women who have placed their babies for adoption with every last ounce of bravery they could must and never have a place to share that.

A mother bled and miscarried today. You might not ever know. She will never forget though.

Some women are walking around in constant remorse, pain, regret, guilt for aborting their baby years ago. They walk into every place they go, even church and never feel like they can be forgiven or loved after doing what they did.

There are men who never knew the gentle touch of a Mother’s love. Men who are afraid to show emotion or feeling or sensitivity because they weren’t taught how.

Some men grew up being the protector and the “man of the house” at an early age. Some boys have seen their mother beaten, hit, even killed.

Children live lives questioning why they weren’t “good enough” for their mother, longing for someone to love them like only a mother can.

Girls wishing they had their mom when they give birth, or walk down the isle, or just need someone to talk to on the phone. The emptiness…

Mother’s Day. What a Pandora’s box of situations and struggles, memories, pain, heartache, heartbreak, questions, doubts, fears and failures.

Only Jesus can redeem these things that so burden and bury us. Only Christ can come in and make us whole. Only Christ makes all things new.

Romans 5:2-5 – “Through him we have also obtained access by faith, into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and HOPE DOES NOT PUT US TO SHAME, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”

HOPE DOES NOT PUT US TO SHAME.

To live in our hope, as believers, is not to push away our grief or our pain. It is not to say that “everything is fine and God is good and I’m fine and its no big deal what I went through”

Hope leaves no room for attitude or bitterness. It does leave us room for real pain, deep grief, lament and questions. Hope helps us walk through the pain of loss, whether it be your own mother, a son or daughter, never having a mother, the abortion, the adoption, the process, the negative tests, the miscarriages, the burying, the surrender.

Hope does not disappoint. Hope endures. Through the suffering, the enduring, the character building, the gospel of Jesus Christ stands true, firm and forever. For when we are at our lowest, in our deepest pain and struggle, he meets us in this place with abundance. He pours into our deficiency with his supremacy. He allows our questions, hurts and pain and he gives us life. He redeems and He heals.

This doesn’t mean we don’t hurt and struggle. BUT, it means that WE GRIEVE WITH HOPE, therefore IT CAN LOOK DIFFERENT THAN THE WORLD’S GRIEF.

We have pain, hurt and deep dark things that sometimes only us and God know about. We can now extend grace, love and that same HOPE to others.

Instead of getting on to people in our pain, telling them they better not take for granted their children or their moms, pointing our finger in their fb feeds exclaiming;

“I am hurting and I want to make sure everyone feels my pain with me”

Perhaps we still grieve and hurt, but we then pour out our own experiences into someone who is newly walking through it. Maybe we get to honor the legacy of an amazing mom with mothering and loving the way she did, to those who do not have one.

Instead of exclaiming(typing more often than not) at the top of our lungs that women who get an abortion are murderers, maybe we could volunteer at CareNet and meet these women where they are with love, experience, deep solidarity, grace. Perhaps spending Mother’s Day checking in on mom’s at the Ronald McDonald House, taking cookies to the NICU or PICU for the moms and staff or just checking on the moms that come to your mind that day, as a way to spread hope.

We all walk through holidays, especially Mother’s Day, with hurt and pain. I see you. I understand. Mother’s Day will always hold a lot of questions for me. “what would he look like?” “would he pick me “flowers” out of the weeds in our yard and bring them to me?” “would he be funny, spunky, silly or quiet and observant?” When the girls begin to question it really starts to sting, but we follow the story in our heads and hearts and we imagine together. We pause and wonder.

Maybe it’s too hard to think of anything good when it comes to Mother’s Day. Perhaps you are in the “I hate mother’s day” club. I don’t know where you are today, but I know that if you believe in Jesus Christ, you don’t have to live bitterly, in the dark, weary and tired. You can live, in honesty of your pain, with hope. You can begin to see the opportunities to live with purpose, you will slowly begin to ask God to fill the holes we know no one else can fully fill. We can be a mother to those without. We can just sit quietly with the mothers in waiting. We can remember the mothers who only have photos and memories to hold on to.

There are so many women I know who do just this. Whether they live in the loss of their mother or their child, or perhaps their mom just isn’t present in their life, they are living a life a mothering to those in their circle and beyond. The Gospel, in all its beauty.

We can celebrate Mother’s Day, by sharing the Gospel to those in need of it. What else could be sadder than someone hurting in the area of Motherhood, without the good news? Without the love and unconditional acceptance, grace and love of Jesus Christ?

If you need that someone to sit with you today, if you need someone to come help with your kids or do a load of laundry, maybe take you to the cemetery and just be quiet. Maybe you need someone to tell your story to, a safe and loving place to land, today, don’t hesitate to reach out to me. You are loved here. You are seen and heard.

You can have HOPE.

We don’t live naive or void of emotion/feelings when we live with hope! We don’t push away our pain and our experiences to spit out cliches and call it faith. We can be honest and hurt all while living out our life of hope!

Isaiah 41:10 “fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

 

Cry the tears, question, wrestle and struggle, but don’t go another day without HOPE.

I’m going to find some weeds to pick and place them on my table today and remember, beauty comes from what seems as waste.

Happy Mother’s Day.

You are so loved.

Shaina

 

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